I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Randomize
