I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize