Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
