I just threw up on my dentist
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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