Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
