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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me

  (310): View more from California

  maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home

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• (315): View more from New York

  Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture

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• (716): View more from New York

  He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.

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• (845): View more from New York

  I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore

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