The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
