i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
