She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
