if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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