She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
