a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
