he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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