What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
