I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
