I wannas sexs uuuuu
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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