Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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