So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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