I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
