There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
