I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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