On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
