I wish i was in the wii world.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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