you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I am one with the molecules
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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