planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
