Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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