So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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