On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
