I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't put those talents on a resume
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
