we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
