a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
