Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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