New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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