hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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