cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
