I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
