dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
