so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
