I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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