Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
