Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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