Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
