Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
