Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
