oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
