Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
