I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
