At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
