I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
