oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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