Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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