listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
