two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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